I was officially 7 weeks! Almost past the worry point. My back had begun to hurt abit that morning- I have back issues tho, so I didn't think much of it. Then I started getting "af type" cramping--the doctor had assured me before that it was normal. So, I was good to go! Joel had come home early from work so we decided to go get some wings. It was a rainy, cloudy, and dark day as we drove to the restaraunt. My back continued to hurt as we ate, and the cramping seemed to be getting worse. I excused myself to the restroom, and as I sat there I saw it- a spot of blood. Panic was flooding through my veins as I hunched over and desperatley pled "please, God..no..please". I regained my composure and walked out to call my doctor. As soon as I got in the car I started to cry as anything and everything I had done went racing thru my mind. What had I done? We went to the doctor's office where I saw a nurse. She informed me that it looked like I was bleeding more than I had thought, but she couldn't tell me much more than that...she just set up an ultra sound for the next morning. As we checked out...I looked down at the sheet of paper where my diagnosis was written: "spontaneous abortion". I have no idea how I fell asleep that night...but somehow it was the next morning and we had to go in for the ultra sound..I was still so hopeful. I hadn't stood up for a day at this point and had started taking progesterone. Then there was the ultra sound--they couldn't see anything--nothing, nada, zilch. I went home, confused (I thought to myself that they must not have looked hard enough!). Then the contractions started. There I was at home--Joel had stayed home, but he was in another room and I felt so alone. I was in so much pain and I sat there on the toilet...all of my dreams and hopes flushed cruelly away in a sea of blood. After about 4 hours the pain started to subside and I started to feel a little better--I thought it was all over. Just then I felt something so I looked--and there it was--my baby. I cried out for Joel and he came running, I just cried and pointed as I tried to make out the words, but there was no need, he knew what I was saying. He grabbed me and held so tightly and while I had never before seen him cry, we stood there in eachothers arms sobbing. After awhile I took my little baby and placed it in a baggy...then I had to find the perfect little box-- a Christmas card box would due. I called my doctor and they wanted my to bring it in to confirm what I already knew. It was so hard to sit in that office--all of the pregnant women, sitting there and complaining about all of the aches and pains...but then a couple came bursting thru the door, beaming with pride as they talked (very louly I might add) on their cell phone. And where would they choose to sit? Directly across from me of coarse! I sat there with my tiny makeshift coffin as they called everyone they knew exclaiming"It's a boy!"...I wanted to cry so much...but I couldn't, I couldn't do anything....I was numb.